After I found Steve Pavlina’s website on the Internet I soon began reading almost everything that he had written. I was very excited to come across a human being with so much energy radiating from him. I soaked up as much of it as I could and I felt that finally my teacher had arrived. At some point I even considered if he was a new Jesus 😉 The best thing I could do with all this energy that I felt was to translate some of his articles into Danish. I spent many hours doing just that and in the process I know that a lot of his consciousness expanding energy rubbed of on me. That’s why I was able to go vegetarian from one day to another. He was just a very strong energy to come into contact with.
I also found Brian Kim to be a very evolved human being. I worked many hours translating his articles into Danish too. He is a kind and compassionate person with a different style than Steve Pavlina, but also with this high energy that is almost out of this world.
My family kept me grounded through this period where I felt really close to the higher energies. It was like massive chains had been keeping my mind locked down and they had suddenly been shattered. That was for sure a crazy ride. One time I didn’t sleep for three days straight. I felt like I was loosing it, but what exactly it was I didn’t know. I just know that I felt extremely connected to everything and I experienced the weirdest synchronicities. I felt like I said goodbye to an old part of me, and that made room for something new. Like when Lancelot said goodbye the the old King Arthur in First Knight. Eventually I collapsed from tiredness and slept and slept. After that I chose to stay closer to Earth, and besides I had a family that needed me to stay grounded and I had a job to attend and bills to pay.
And then my girlfriends cat decided to pull a little trick on us. Apparently the cat had also built a nice safe base in its new home, so why not get pregnant. And why not do it properly? I guess seven kittens is a minimum for a healthy cat with high self-confidence.
That was a very down to earth project and they were all over the house. No time to sit and meditate and besides I was also restoring the house on the inside.
But after a while things settled down and somehow I realized, what my life had evolved into. I had traded my freedom for security. I had spent so much energy my whole life to try to fit in, to be normal, to satisfy everybody, to live a life in comfort. My soul was under pressure and it could not be caged any more. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, living in quiet desperation. The big question came up: What is the real purpose of my life? Not what other people or society defines as my purpose, but the real purpose. It was very frustrating because it felt like my whole world fell apart. And it did, because there were no rules, I was shaken.
I spent months reconnecting with my feelings, which I had suppressed in order to behave in a way in which I thought I would be loved, or in a way that I thought would make me more money. But my heart had not been with me. Where did I loose it?
Years earlier I was at the library and I came across a book and I thought, hey this is perfect for my girlfriend, and I brought it home with me. It was a gardening book written by John Seymour. I think she read a bit in it, but we soon forgot about it again. Then one day when I was walking home by the harbour thinking about how on Earth I could bring more purpose into my life, where my heart and soul would be with me, it hit me: I am the gardener.
Of course, I love gardening, to the point where I would do it for free. And that’s even what I did for most of my life. I rushed home to tell her, that this was it, this was what I wanted to do. And there it was. She bought the book for me three hours earlier in the local bookstore, when I was at work. How about that for a sign? 😉
Then I stumbled upon Ran Prieur. It was the same theme. Yes, you are not what society expects you to be. Yes, you are not what your parents expect you to be. And by the way, our way of life has got to change. The love is gone, our planet is hurting. Rewind and rebuild everything with love. And whatever you do, don’t do it for the money. Money doesn’t even exist.
So this is what I’m doing now. Growing healthy food for the love of my family, planet Earth, the animals, you and me. We’re in this together. And I’m still looking for a place to buy that T-shirt saying “The hippies were right, you know?” 😉